THE CHAINS ARE GONE...

I’m ready to declare victory today after a 3.5 year process and a 30 year struggle. It probably seems like a very small thing but it was no small thing to me. I have struggled for my entire adult life with an odd little fear - the fear of pastors. Being one on one or in close proximity to one has long caused a physiological response which is a little inconvenient in my line of work. It is very difficult to relate to someone whose presence causes your heart to race to the extent you can’t think straight. Avoiding them is something I have done remarkably well while still being engaged in church work. Yesterday I had the opportunity to put my new found freedom to the test - three meetings with three pastors and not a hint of anxiety. And beyond that, there was a sweetness even in difficult circumstances that I never would have thought possible. As this is Pastor Appreciation Month, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank my pastors for their kindness and patience as well as guidance through this process. It was a journey I couldn’t have taken alone. Pastor Gary Weston, Your sermons have so often encouraged and inspired me and your words ultimately propelled me take the step of faith which seemed to strike the final blow in breaking free from this bondage. Beyond that, I value your influence in the lives of my children more than you know. I have never dropped my children off at a school and I have never hired a babysitter - not one time. I do not trust many people with my children and most of my negative experiences as a young person came at the hands of my youth pastor so I have a natural distaste for the role. Yet I not only trust you, I depend on you to do what I don’t even trust myself to do now that my children are teens - mentor them spiritually. You have been such a blessing to our family. Having a youth pastor whose heart I trust in addition to his theology, is a rare find. Pastor Mike Phillips, Sixteen years ago this month, when John and I first came to Gateway with our young children, then ages 1 & 2, you were so different and obviously gifted and it was exciting and refreshing. After awhile though, you were a little too different and there were many times I didn’t appreciate the way you challenged my belief system. My life was built on a very solid foundation of dogma and you can’t just contest absolute truths painstakingly laid layer upon layer with incredible craftsmanship. Dogma in my world was an art form. You were like Godzilla at the Louvre. Looking back, we couldn’t have picked a more perfect church because our belief system needed to be challenged and few would have challenged it to the extent you did and continue to do. If we aren’t challenged, we won’t change and if we don’t change, we can’t grow. God has changed me and he used a Canadian Pacifist Libertarian to do it. I will probably never be any of those things but I can’t imagine my life without your influence. Your guidance on this journey over the past 3 years has made an incredible difference and over the past 10 months, it has made all the difference. God has used you in my life and I will never be the same. Pastor Mike Marczak, Three and half years ago, I was going down in a barrage of friendly fire I will never understand. I had never cared much for pastors and consequently, I had never received their care. A phone call pierced through all the noise in my head of betrayal and rejection and frustration and for the first time in a lifetime lived in the church, a pastor’s heart touched mine. Instead of bullying me or manipulating me or shaming me, it actually cared about me. It launched a journey that would change everything about the way I know God, love people, and live my life. Yesterday, somehow that all came full circle and I don’t know exactly what happened, but I know it was powerful. It was a milestone. I know I will never forget it. I know God isn’t done using you to change lives the way He changed mine. Thank you!