Doing Church Differently

Not long ago a pastor friend of mine introduced his first grandson to his congregation Lion King style - he literally held the baby up in front of the church with the Lion King theme playing in the background. I’ve known him for 35 years and I can’t help but wonder how much different that introduction would have looked a generation ago in the churches we grew up in. I don’t know anything about the circumstances surrounding the birth of his grandson, but I know that his daughter was still in her late teens. I know that when we were teens, an unwed mother could have been the victim of rape and still been shunned or condemned in many of our churches.

Last summer I watched a documentary filmed when I was in high school about a church very much like the one I attended. Not long after filming stopped, the pastor’s unmarried daughter, a recent high school graduate, became pregnant. The pastor was forced to resign from the church he had poured his life into and built with his own hands. It was a common occurrence in churches like ours that interpreted 1 Timothy 3:4-5 to mean that if a child/teen/or young adult was caught in inappropriate behaviors, the father could not hold an office such as pastor, elder, or deacon. When I was 14, a boy in my class was expelled from our Christian school after he was caught looking at pornography. His father was an elder in our church and he had to resign his position. They left the church. As far as I know, they haven’t been to any church since. Imagine being that 14 year old boy.

Another friend of mine was raped by a boy in her Christian school, but when she reported it, no one believed it was rape. She was blamed instead of protected. It wasn’t until years later when he was convicted of sexually assaulting a minor that she was vindicated. Like many victims, it was assumed that she had asked for it in some way either by being flirty, or immodest, or maybe she had consented and changed her mind after the fact.

When I was 22, I got a call from a dear friend. She was unmarried and pregnant and planning to have an abortion because there was no way she could tell her father. Her father portrayed himself as an upstanding member of the church, but behind closed doors, he was violent. She would have been met with nothing but judgement at that church. She had nowhere to go. She didn’t see any other way out.

What a stark contrast to my friend’s grandson today. That baby was wanted and welcomed and adored long before he was born. If the circumstances surrounding his birth were less than ideal, rather than condemn, they sought to redeem them. They were unchangeable. They no longer mattered. Jesus was born to an unwed teen mother in an extremely harsh culture. It is hard to imagine Him condoning anything but love and compassion in such a difficult circumstance.

Yesterday the first in a series of articles was printed about some horrible abusive church cultures that allowed perpetrators to prey on young victims. I know they still exist. I know legalism is alive and well. I’ve seen more of it first hand this year than I’ve seen in many years. But I am encouraged because I see so many churches getting it right. I see Christians embracing the hurting and looking for ways to help. For all we see that has gone wrong, I am encouraged that we are making some very important positive changes. “They will know we are Christians by our love.” We aren’t there yet, but for many of the Christians I know, that is the goal, and we are making progress.